VANCOUVER, BC — Local raver Kyle Thompson found himself in a moment of existential crisis last Saturday after mistakenly referring to a drum & bass track as “jungle” at a club night. Witnesses say the room immediately tensed as a nearby junglist, wearing a Metalheadz beanie, slowly turned his head in disapproval.
“I just said, ‘Yo, this jungle tune slaps,’ and suddenly this guy with a full sleeve of 90s rave tattoos just stared at me,” Thompson recounted. “Then he asked me if I even knew the difference. I panicked and said, ‘Uh… amen breaks?’ He sighed like I just failed a test.”
According to sources, Thompson spent the rest of the night on his phone Googling phrases like ‘is jungle just old dnb’ and ‘why do junglists look so disappointed all the time.’
“I thought it was the same thing,” he admitted. “Like, I know jungle has more breakbeats and reggae vibes, but I also heard a guy call Ed Rush & Optical ‘jungle’ once, and I swear Roni Size played some dnb in his set. What even is genre?”
Experts confirm that Thompson's confusion is common, with most newcomers experiencing a three-year period of uncertainty before deciding to just nod and pretend they understand.
In an attempt to avoid future mistakes, Thompson has pledged to exclusively refer to everything as “160+ BPM breakbeat music” until further notice.
“Honestly, I’m just here for a good time,” he added. “But if someone could just make a PowerPoint explaining this, that’d be great.”
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