VANCOUVER — In the wake of vending-machine crack pipe failures and rising delivery app regret, new research suggests that — brace yourself — treating hard drugs like they might be bad could actually deter some use.
“Wild concept, I know,” said Dr. Megan Fulmer, head researcher at the Canadian Centre for Accidental Honesty. “But when we stop pretending crack is a quirky hobby and remind people it’s, well, crack… fewer people start doing crack.”
The study posits that what was once called stigmatization might have been — at least partially — a natural social defense mechanism.
“Turns out whispering ‘maybe don’t’ works better than dropping off a gift basket with instructions and coupons.”
City policymakers, however, remain conflicted.
“We don’t want to shame people,” said harm reduction consultant Brian Lam. “But we also don’t want crack to become the next craft cider.”
Critics are now questioning if the entire harm reduction model is slowly morphing into a bait-and-switch — framing extremely dangerous substances as manageable lifestyle choices, only for users to discover that moderation… wasn’t on the menu.
“The messaging got weird,” said East Van resident Carly S. “One minute they’re telling us to make safe choices, the next minute there’s a mural that basically says: ‘Meth — you do you!’”
In response, the city is now piloting a new balanced messaging campaign:
“Drugs: Probably Not Great.”
The campaign will be rolled out alongside minimalist billboards reading simply:
“Hey. Maybe not?”
At press time, city officials were also investigating reports that a sponsored Instagram reel promoting safe fentanyl use had accidentally geo-targeted high schools.
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