Vancouver Purist Rejects AI, Awaits Recognition That Will Never Come

VANCOUVER — In a courageous act of cultural preservation, a local aging hipster has taken to the internet to declare war on the greatest threat to artistic integrity since royalty-free lo-fi beats: AI-generated visuals.

"AI-generated video looks like an unfinished PS1 cutscene."

typed the 42-year-old hero from his East Van studio apartment, pausing only to adjust his beanie and take a sip of his $7 oat milk cortado.

"You have to Earn the Right to Make Bad Art."

Says Man Who Peaked in 2009

According to sources close to the situation (his equally distressed friend group), the veteran of Vancouver’s underground scene believes art should only be made through suffering and exclusion.

“Back in my day,” he reportedly muttered, staring wistfully at a dusty copy of Adobe CS6, “you had to grind for years before making something that looked like a rejected MTV2 bumper.”

Now, thanks to AI democratizing design, anyone can make a music video—an apocalyptic scenario for those whose entire identity is based on gatekeeping an aesthetic most people stopped caring about in 2015.

AI Ruining the Economy for Starving Artists Who Were Already Starving

“I used to charge $500 for a music video that looked like I filmed it through a wet paper towel,”

the hipster lamented, scrolling past yet another AI-generated visual that looked suspiciously decent.

“Now some 18-year-old in Richmond just typed ‘cyberpunk jungle aesthetic, VHS distortion, neon rain’ and got something better for free*?? How is that fair?”*

Despite the world-changing potential of AI tools allowing more independent musicians to create visuals without the traditional cost barrier, our protagonist remains firm in his stance:

“If everyone has access to design, then what’s left for me to feel superior about?”

The Future is Bleak (For Hipsters, Specifically)

While AI-generated art continues to empower creators, this brave soldier fights on—armed only with a Twitter account, a crippling fear of technological progress, and a personal belief that art should remain in the hands of those who know the right references.

As of press time, the hipster was seen aggressively sketching a zine about the death of real art while quietly Googling:

"how to use Midjourney without selling out."

Join Our Newsletter